When I was growing up, my dad had three jobs, mom worked too. I spent a lot of time at the before and after school care and with my neighborhood pals and eventually, I had my key and I had dogs. When we’d go on little vacations, I was always allowed to bring my friend so I wouldn’t be alone or bored, which I thought was pretty cool of my parents to do. But soon, I realized I wasn’t interested in the same things as everyone else. I had these weird fears and phobias. But, I always felt different and I always wanted to fit in, but knew I never would.

I’m not sure when I knew, but I knew. I always knew things, they would just pop into my head and at the time, I didn’t realize that that was happening. I look back now, 30 plus years later and I get it! I knew when friends were going to call or needed my help, knew when people were talking behind my back, when my relationships would end and then, when pets or people were going to pass. That is a scary thought, right? I was never sure what to do with it. Do I push it away so I don’t feel it? Do I try to understand it? What is it? Why?

My journey began many times. I would do some research and stop, I would dabble with crystals in high school, I felt their energy and it sometimes scared me and I wanted so badly to be “normal.” So they went in my drawer and I wouldn’t find them until many years later. It is slight torture when you’re moved to a new state and in the middle of nineth grade trying to make new friends and fit in and you’re weird! Nevertheless, I tried and failed many times. I made friends and got through a few hurtful events in high school.

I avoided anything I could with alcohol and going out dancing every night that I could in college. A lot of my friends were getting married and having kids, but I didn’t feel that need until later in life. I also never quite understood it. I avoided it for years. Looking back I caused a fight with one if my college boyfriends so he would break up with me. I also got very sidetracked from what it was that I REALLY wanted to do with my life and I’m still working my way back to that! (another time).

So fast forward through a divorce with several failed IVF’s, endometriosis and miscarriages, only to figure out that, indeed, natural motherhood was not my path. I had many dogs, I had a career in animals for over 20 years, they were my kids. As my life changed, I re-entered the world of magic. I began researching the alternative treatments like acupuncture, crystals(yay) and reiki, and then I found sound healing! WOW. Life changers! Literally! I changed my path!

I had always been close with my own dogs and felt like I knew what they were saying and feeling. That continued into my working with animals and their people. I worked with a Veterinarian who worked with very sick animals. I went on countless house calls for euthanasia and it was hard for me to admit that, THAT was my gift. End of life care and compassion for animals. At least, it was then. I pet sat ad groomed and boarded animals and one day, while driving, I felt one of my clients come visit me and I had the sudden urge to go to her house and see her. She died the next day.

Bye this time, my own pets who passed would pop in a dream or my head and say hi. My boy Odin was the first one and he was my teacher here (while he was alive)and there (with visits). His twin sister passed a year after him and she sent me one picture right after her passing and I’m not sure she’s been back, unless she does pop in when I think of her? HI Bella! Anyway, one by one and two in four months, my dogs all passed away. Dogs and cats I pet sat did too and they would visit me the day or night before. That was scary at first and super sad but I’m grateful to them now.

There I am, sitting on my bed in my tiny apartment, after the divorce, waiting to move into my new home and watching netflix, and all of a sudden, this woman who I had pet sat for and taken show dog training classes from, pops in my head, just her face (Smiling). WHAT? Where did that come from? I haven’t seen or heard from her in years. Weird, I wonder if she’s ok? Then I fell asleep. The next morning she was still in my head and I went on her Facebook page to find that she had passed away the day before! OK, excuse me but…HOLY SHIT!

I had become a Reiki Master Teacher, a sound healer and I learned tarot. My crystal collection grew exponentially. I have been working with a spiritual healer for 7 years and I didn’t really mention this to her, she mentioned it to me after one of our healing sessions.

I can honestly say I always had a fear of losing my loved ones, for some reason, my dad the most. I would have what I thought were nightmares about him dying. One night in 2018, it happened, the dream changed. It was so real! I woke up and knew my dad was dying. How horrible. I called my friend the next day and sobbed and we began working on my “gift” and grieving.

Published by our last embryo

I have been diagnosed with Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I have had two miscarriages. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile. Through these struggles, I had to unlearn and relearn many things, through spirituality and alternative healing modalities, I have begun the process of becoming who I am supposed to be. A healer.

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